Nothing perceptibly new. Just the mist pulling closer.
Pretending it's that old greying lover who's nervous clammy hands move deliberately towards a futile destination.
Look back in anger? Sit back and smile?
Walk away wistfully, or crawl in slow motion till that white vapour fawns all over and fondly threatens to choke you?
How many molecules, how many permutations of minute matter that you can't see- and yet it plays havoc with your mind. Can we feel atoms?
Is it some physical reaction generating heat in an icy clime, electricity in static mode- oh, and thanks for correcting me, its a chemical reaction, (never fathomed the nuances of that difference)!
Dull declasse derelict daytime. Devoid of dodgy dreams.
Fraught with fractious frames of now fathomable futures.
(fancy me writing facetous lines - feverish frickin folly)
I see me there. Growing old, in the same rocking chair.
I see me here. Catching cobwebs, eating oats, drinking flat beer.
I see me soon, on a gleaming broom, grinning wildly as I fly to the moon.
I see me now, wondering how
it tastes like honey
feels like money
smells like mustard
on maverick mush.
I love the richness, brittle and brash
As the sun crashes through like a familiar rash..
on the tender skin of a pale mist,now pouting,erupting in helpless indignance as it shatters into little invisible particles of poof.
If only it could see me reaching quietly for my sunblock.
And yet, my fingers play with the edges of the jar.
I know, yours are too weak to knock
and you can't see them anymore
just like you can't me.
-----------
even as the eyes close and the knife grows sharper
15 comments:
Lovely metaphors. Damn good piece.
i love the last two lines, inkblot. powerful!
" And yet, my fingers play with the edges of the jar.
I know, yours are too weak to knock.."
that was so beautiful. the imagery is powerful and moving.
i loved large bits but ... dunno if i loved the whole thing
this was fantastic:
"How many molecules, how many permutations of minute matter that you can't see - and yet it plays havoc with your mind"
u make the readers heart skip a beat with having shared the emotion and having been pulled in on a trip with you, before he even knew it. wonderful :)
loved the beat in "just like you can't me."
and this was just beautiful ... "Dull declasse derelict daytime. Devoid of dodgy dreams.
Fraught with fractious frames of now fathomable futures."
u have moderation on so if there's aught in the comment u dont like just delete it. thats cool
i loved large bits but ... dunno if i loved the whole thing
this was fantastic:
"How many molecules, how many permutations of minute matter that you can't see - and yet it plays havoc with your mind"
u make the readers heart skip a beat with having shared the emotion and having been pulled in on a trip with you, before he even knew it. wonderful :)
loved the beat in "just like you can't me."
and this was just beautiful ... "Dull declasse derelict daytime. Devoid of dodgy dreams.
Fraught with fractious frames of now fathomable futures."
u have moderation on so if there's aught in the comment u dont like just delete it. thats cool
transience: thank you. I guess thats what it was all about...:)
prat:thank you. it felt very real somehow. glad you liked it.
prerona: and why would I want to delete anything when your saying so much lovely stuff...:)
thanks kiddo
feels like a storm
Today its the rain. Predominating, presupposing tomorrow.
And thats what we have here today, yesterday, and presupposingly tomorrow too...we are lashed, dashed and slashed by these giant liquid drops of depressing, soaking, choking, dripping, freaking-me-out rain!!
And I sing 'needles and pins' to them!
Why do we let the weather man control us?
Strong images and edges here. I felt like I would fall off of some of these lines if I wasn't careful.
I'd tell you to jump, but only with the right intentions that only you can pull out behind you as your parachute.
shadowlor:its mostly a storm...
mermaid: won't jump. not just yet.
aradhita: what could be better than singing in the rain!
'Dull declasse derelict daytime. Devoid of dodgy dreams.
Fraught with fractious frames of now fathomable futures.'
Loved how you played with them.
"Pretending it's that old greying lover who's nervous clammy hands move deliberately towards a futile destination."
Beautiful line ..
Btw it rained here too .. yesterday .. but it was more of a storm
rather sharpish post. its good though to see you write in so many different styles so many different sides to your writing
bb: thank you
san: I get bored easily, even with myself, hence the experimentation..:)
aria: time to go running in the storm perhaps
aparna: yeah, I like playing..:P
yeah..it rained da night before...wished the rains to stay longer...
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